What To Do When God is Saying “No” to Your Relationship…
Do You Ignore His Voice?
Or, Do You Heed the Warning Signs &
Stop in The Name of Love?
Dr. Jason Ottley, author of PillowTalk
We have often confused God’s blessings with our own derelict decision making. People are always more attractive when you are lonely. And when you are the only one in your group of friends who is single, being with anyone seems better than being alone.
Women are historically known for making incredible, world-changing, life altering decisions. But when it comes to men – women have not made the best of decisions. There is not an overarching theme for the large population of women who have been riddled with bad decision making concerning men. With that said, every woman it is different.
Some weren’t affectionately called daughter growing up from a father who was never around, while others are tired of being alone and so they take men on like projects and hope to change an unattractive, lack luster, and uncommitted brother into a man of great valor and worth. Whatever the reason – one of the prevalent issues which continue to erode the fabric of love and relationships is that women are putting up with more than they should.
Many women from all walks of life, races, creeds and colors have fallen in love and committed to stay where men treat them like one of many options. Why is it that everyone around you can see that your relationship and commitment to a man is literally draining you to the point where you don’t even look like the person people have grown to love? Is it because you want to continue to ignore the red flags or because you’ve invested so much already in the relationship that it would be outlandish to allow another woman to swoop in on what you’ve created?
Well, let me help add color to your blank canvas…. The first step is taking full responsibility for your choices. Let me be the first to say this in love… It’s not him, it’s you. It’s not about if he had become what you were strategically setting him up for. It’s about why you are continuing to select pint size tools for a dream that requires a bulldozer. We are all built with a capacity limit. And you do not have the ability to enlarge someone’s capacity. You can help someone see something in them that they don’t see themselves, but you can’t add measure or stature to a person. Only God can do that. The second mistake you’ve continued to make is asking God to bless your request and make the person be exactly what you need.
God created every human being with deposited gifts for the right season, the right reason, and ultimately the right person. Many women attempt to take on God-like characteristics by attempting to change a man to fit their own personal needs. Women, you never have to change a man to fit you. A man will either come pre-packaged on a God assignment to you or a man will realize that he needs to change to better himself first and then ultimately be what you desire. It doesn’t work the other way around. You can devote the next 20 years of your life to a man that you hope will change due to your love and support, but that will not guarantee change. Men change when they find value in it. And if you aren’t valuable enough to him, he won’t change. You can’t convince a man to find value in you. Either he does or he doesn’t, but your ability to convince him will continue to go unnoticed and unchronicled.
A great man will be a blessing to you. Not a curse, not a burden, not a hardship – but a great blessing to you. And you will know if he is a great blessing to you by what transpires between the two of you. The bible records that a blessing will make one rich and add no sorrow. Richness in this context is not just financial, but a blessing will bring increase to your spiritual walk, your emotional stability, your dreams and aspirations, and add great dividends to the woman you are. It will not bring sorrow or regret! You will not have to question if you should have made a different decision years prior or if the one you are with is really the one for you. If the man you have been with for years is not adding any ‘richness to your life’ then he is not your blessing. It’s really that simple. If the man you’re dating does not add ‘richness to your life’ you are simply borrowing time from the blessing you should be waiting on. Stop wasting borrowed time because the last place you want to be is with someone you have no need being with while watching someone else walk hand-in-hand with what should be your blessing.
Spend a day with someone’s opinion you trust and ask them about your current love or love interest. Can they see you with them long term? What about them is good for you? What about them is wrong for you? What red flags are you ignoring? Once you’ve calculated this information, write your feelings regarding this person in a journal. Express what this person has brought into your life, and what you bring to theirs. If your list is stanzas longer than theirs, something is wrong. Your blessing is supposed to add increase in your life.
Jason Ottley is the Founder of Empowering Relationships, a company tailored to meeting the personal needs of individuals while helping to enrich their relationships. Ottley’s first novel, PillowTalk, inspired him to take the relationship discussion between men and women on the road, launching a unique nation-wide Relationship Tour. For more information about the tour and the book, Pillowtalk, visit: www.jasonottley.com.