What To Do When God is Saying “No” to Your Relationship…

What To Do When God is Saying “No” to Your Relationship…

The lifestyle you are living today is a direct correlation of the seeds you have planted in the past, and (many times) what is in your heart.  How so?? What we desire on the inside, slowly manifests into our lives by our choices in mates, career paths, how we care for and raise our children, etc, etc.

I speak from experience….. Fourteen years ago, I moved to a city & state that wasn’t the will of God for me. Yet, it was where “I” desired to be. And, let me tell you– this experience knocked the non-sense out of me…LOL..

When I arrived, the city was beautiful. The trees were swaying, and the birds chirped like angels every morning.  Yet, I quickly discovered the journey to be hard, unfruitful, and left me with no car, in debt and in a vulnerable state of existence.  The best thing that came out of the experience was that I learned the importance of listening for the leading of the Holy Spirit, how to pray, and how to connect with God in my own special way.

If you ever find yourself going in the wrong direction, you can always allow God’s Word and wisdom to lead you back to a fruitful existence.   As long as God blesses you with another day, you can repent of unfruitful choices, and live the abundant life intended for you.

I pray that this “Motivational Monday” message will be a blessing to your day! Feel free to pass it on to friends & family members who might benefit from it.

Peace & Blessings,
T.R. Hopson
Editor-in-Chief, Optimal Living Magazine
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What To Do When God is Saying “No” to Your Relationship…

Do You Ignore His Voice?
Or, Do You Heed the Warning Signs &
Stop in The Name of Love? 

Dr. Jason Ottley, author of PillowTalk
King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.
~ Proverbs 10:22

We have often confused God’s blessings with our own derelict decision making.  People are always more attractive when you are lonely.  And when you are the only one in your group of friends who is single, being with anyone seems better than being alone.

Women are historically known for making incredible, world-changing, life altering decisions.  But when it comes to men – women have not made the best of decisions.  There is not an overarching theme for the large population of women who have been riddled with bad decision making concerning men.  With that said, every woman it is different.

Some weren’t affectionately called daughter growing up from a father who was never around, while others are tired of being alone and so they take men on like projects and hope to change an unattractive, lack luster, and uncommitted brother into a man of great valor and worth.  Whatever the reason – one of the prevalent issues which continue to erode the fabric of love and relationships is that women are putting up with more than they should.

Many women from all walks of life, races, creeds and colors have fallen in love and committed to stay where men treat them like one of many options.  Why is it that everyone around you can see that your relationship and commitment to a man is literally draining you to the point where you don’t even look like the person people have grown to love?  Is it because you want to continue to ignore the red flags or because you’ve invested so much already in the relationship that it would be outlandish to allow another woman to swoop in on what you’ve created?

Well, let me help add color to your blank canvas…. The first step is taking full responsibility for your choices. Let me be the first to say this in love… It’s not him, it’s you.  It’s not about if he had become what you were strategically setting him up for.  It’s about why you are continuing to select pint size tools for a dream that requires a bulldozer.  We are all built with a capacity limit.  And you do not have the ability to enlarge someone’s capacity.  You can help someone see something in them that they don’t see themselves, but you can’t add measure or stature to a person.  Only God can do that.  The second mistake you’ve continued to make is asking God to bless your request and make the person be exactly what you need.

God created every human being with deposited gifts for the right season, the right reason, and ultimately the right person.  Many women attempt to take on God-like characteristics by attempting to change a man to fit their own personal needs. Women, you never have to change a man to fit you.  A man will either come pre-packaged on a God assignment to you or a man will realize that he needs to change to better himself first and then ultimately be what you desire.  It doesn’t work the other way around.  You can devote the next 20 years of your life to a man that you hope will change due to your love and support, but that will not guarantee change.  Men change when they find value in it.  And if you aren’t valuable enough to him, he won’t change.  You can’t convince a man to find value in you.  Either he does or he doesn’t, but your ability to convince him will continue to go unnoticed and unchronicled.

A great man will be a blessing to you.  Not a curse, not a burden, not a hardship – but a great blessing to you.  And you will know if he is a great blessing to you by what transpires between the two of you.  The bible records that a blessing will make one rich and add no sorrow.  Richness in this context is not just financial, but a blessing will bring increase to your spiritual walk, your emotional stability, your dreams and aspirations, and add great dividends to the woman you are.  It will not bring sorrow or regret!  You will not have to question if you should have made a different decision years prior or if the one you are with is really the one for you.  If the man you have been with for years is not adding any ‘richness to your life’ then he is not your blessing.  It’s really that simple. If the man you’re dating does not add ‘richness to your life’ you are simply borrowing time from the blessing you should be waiting on.  Stop wasting borrowed time because the last place you want to be is with someone you have no need being with while watching someone else walk hand-in-hand with what should be your blessing.

Today’s Challenge:
Spend a day with someone’s opinion you trust and ask them about your current love or love interest.  Can they see you with them long term?  What about them is good for you?  What about them is wrong for you?  What red flags are you ignoring?  Once you’ve calculated this information, write your feelings regarding this person in a journal. Express what this person has brought into your life, and what you bring to theirs.  If your list is stanzas longer than theirs, something is wrong.  Your blessing is supposed to add increase in your life.

Jason Ottley is the Founder of Empowering Relationships, a company tailored to meeting the personal needs of individuals while helping to enrich their relationships. Ottley’s first novel, PillowTalk, inspired him to take the relationship  discussion between men and women on the road, launching a unique nation-wide Relationship Tour. For more information about the tour and the book, Pillowtalk, visit: www.jasonottley.com.


Tanisha Hopson

beautiful-living-room-ideas-4 = wholeness starts at home

When I was growing up, if someone was acting out foolishly in the streets– the more “seasoned women” in my community would say, “Hhhhmm, that person has no home training”… The term “home training” implies that a person has manners, respect for others and displays acceptable social etiquette. However, I would go a little further and say that if a person is acting out of character or in a foolish manner, he or she might not have gotten what he/she needs at home and could be broken in spirit.

My grandmother (like many wise old school grandmothers) taught me that home is where the heart is. She was always sure to share that your home should always be a place of healing, restoration, nurturing, and rest for your soul. It should be clean, well swept, pleasant smelling and in order – much like your spirit. Home should be the place where God can freely speak to your heart in preparation for whatever the day has in store for you. If you are constantly getting the proper spiritual vitamins from home, your soul will reflect a confident, whole individual who will have a Word from the Lord and smile to brighten someone’s day.

Here is a special Motivational Monday nugget from Isaiah 26:3: “You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.”

If we keep our priorities straight spiritually, mentally and physically – everything else cooperates with us. Let’s get back to the basics of putting first things first in our relationship with God, family and home. Remove the clutter of unnecessary material things, unresolved relationships and unforgiveness. If the world is going to be a better place, it starts with you. As you head out to take on the world today – remember that wholeness starts at home. You have the power to make it an awesome place!

My wholeness confession for today: “I have peace, power, love and a calm and well-balanced mind because I trust God. I don’t worry about anything, instead, I pray about everything and God blesses me by giving me His peace. I am well equipped to handle any problem that comes my way, because God is with me and my soul is in perfect peace.”

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By: Hasani Pettiford

The ninth habit of successful people is the ability to focus. Don King said, “Great wealth calls for concentration, singleness of purpose, one unwavering aim. To drift from day to day is easy. No skill is required, no effort or pain. On the other hand, to set goals for a day or a week or a month, and to obtain those objectives, is never easy. All wealthy men and women are noted for their power of concentration, which makes them oblivious to trial pursuits.”

In order to focus on something there must be a target. A target is simply a desired goal that someone aims for. The object of the game of darts is to aim for the bull’s eye. Whoever lands their dart closest to the target, wins. The same principle is applied in the game of life. All successful people have specific targets called goals that they aim for. In order to hit the bull’s eye focus is required.

When you choose to be focused, you’ll experience a sense of achievement and increased success. Focus builds momentum for faster results, leaving you more productive and effective.

The bible warns of the dangers of being unfocused. James 1:8 says, “A double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.” Unsuccessful people are often guilty of being double, triple and even quadruple minded which pulls them in many directions, leaving them stagnate. When our mind is focused we do not scatter our energy on unnecessary activities. Unfortunately, many people loose their concentration too early in the game. Whether it’s with diets, New Year’s resolutions, fitness programs or a renewed commitment to their jobs. They begin with great intentions, ride it for a while, and then start to slide. Once the newness wears off, focus starts to wear off as well.

Countless others lose focus due to over-commitment. T oo many things at once often leave people feeling scattered which keeps them from producing desirable results. Overloaded people fail. Successful people release themselves from many obligations in order to maintain their focus. They know how to keep the main thing the main thing.

Determine what specific goal you want to achieve. Then dedicate yourself to its attainment with an unswerving singleness of purpose. Most people believe in having a back up plan just in case their plans don’t work out. They often said ‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.’ That’s a loser’s strategy. They are unconsciously anticipating failure. Winners think differently. Andrew Carnegie said, “Put all your eggs in one basket and watch the basket.”

When you decide to put all your eggs in one basket, or destroy all possible means of retreat and escape, the possibilities of success increase dramatically. If you concentrate on one purpose you will succeed

Commit yourself to work single-mindedly on one task, the most important task, and stay with it until it is 100% complete. Persevere without distraction. Push yourself to stay on the job until it is done. Learn to master the habit of successful people: focus.

Hasani Pettiford

As an award-winning author and speaker, Hasani Pettiford has an appeal that transcends barriers of age, culture and occupation. For over a decade Mr. Pettiford has been a recognized authority on human sexuality, interpersonal relationships and personal growth and development. Hasani has directly impacted the lives of many nationwide with his best-selling books and speaking engagements. Much of Pettiford’s work has been featured in major media outlets, including national publications, television and radio programs.

For more information, visit: http://www.hasani.com.

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By: Tanisha Hopson

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light and find out what pleases the Lord.  Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.  It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.  But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. ~ Ephesians 5: 8 – 13


From time to time, I believe we have all been guilty of wanting what we want, when we want it. However, I have found that there are things going on behind the scenes in situations that we are completely unaware of; but God knows.  God knows best and He knows exactly how to get you where He wants you, in His perfect will and timing. 

Divine purpose is produced through consistently staying in God’s will through surrendering your will, in exchange for His will for your life.  This act builds character, cultivates endurance, and increases your confidence in being led by God.

You might not be able see it now, but God’s perfect will is way better than what you can imagine for yourself.

In my lifetime, there have been numerous occasions when I thanked God that I didn’t make a move out of season, as a result of listening to the Holy Spirit’s leading to either slow down or stop. However, on the contrary, I have also made some choices that ended up causing me to wait longer for my blessing because of my own disobedience.

1 Samuel 15: 22 says,
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.

Likewise, Psalm 14:12 says,
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

The other side of obedience is filled with abundant life, joy, peace of mind, provision, and protection from the wiles of the enemy.  Today, I want to strongly encourage you to obey God and start surrendering your whole life to Christ.

                                                                       Choose today who you will serve…

Today’s Prayer:

Heavenly Father, I thank you for one more day. Father God, today I surrender my whole life to you. I choose to serve you this day. I renounce the sin and wrong thinking of my past and I welcome you into my heart, my habits, and my way of thinking. I give you full permission to guide, lead, and shape my life into the original masterpiece that you have especially purposed for me. I promise to study your Word daily and to be led by the Holy Spirit. Today, I exchange my will for your will and promise to obey your Word and to walk in your ways. Thank you Lord, for another chance to get it right today. I love You and adore You. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

Your Prayer Life, Your Purpose & You!

By Tanisha Hopson

When I first discovered that George Washington Carver was a man of God, I was immediately intrigued by his life story! One of the things that impressed me the most is that he had an authentic prayer life.

Carver routinely got up at 4 AM, walked through the woods, and asked God to reveal the mysteries of nature. He often prayed, Job 12:7-8: Ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds of the air, and they will teach you;or speak to the earth, and it will teach you. Carver literally asked God to reveal the mysteries of nature. And God did.

In Carver’s own words:
I said, “Lord, why did you make the universe?”
The Lord replied, “Ask for something more in proportion to that little mind of yours.”
“Then why did you make the earth, Lord?” I asked.
“Your little mind still wants to know far too much,” replied God.
“Why did you make man, Lord?” I asked.
“Far too much. Far too much. Ask again,” replied God.
“Explain to me why you made plants, Lord,” I asked.
“Your little mind still wants to know far too much.”
So I meekly asked, “Lord, why did you make the peanut?”

And the Lord said, “For the modest proportions of your mind, I will grant you the mystery of the peanut. Take it inside your laboratory and separate it into water, fats, oils, gums, resins, sugars, starches and amino acids. Then recombine these under my three laws of compatibility, temperature and pressure. Then you will know why I made the peanut.”

George Washington Carver
One of the 20th century’s greatest scientists, George Washington Carver’s influence is still being felt today. Rising from slavery to become one of the world’s most respected and honored men, he devoted his life to understanding nature and the many uses for the simplest of plant life. He is best known for developing crop-rotation methods for conserving nutrients in soil and discovering hundreds of new uses for crops such as the peanut.

Our Reflection Question of the Day:
How could your life be different if you dared to pray like George Washington Carver?
Today, it is my hope that you will be inspired to open your heart to God’s plan and purpose for your life. Put away the chitter – chatter of convenient distractions, get into your secret place with the Lord and listen intently for God’s voice regarding the next steps for your life. Be bold, be intentional in prayer and watch God move mightily in your life.

Make it an awesome Sunday & be sure to love one another!




Falling In Love With Your Divine Purpose

By Tanisha Hopson


“Alexander Graham Bell believed that sound could be converted into electrical impulses and transmitted by wire. No one remembers those who thought he was crazy. We only remember the man who had the vision and created the telephone. If you do things in a halfway manner, you can always find a job somewhere. Yet if you do just enough to get by, you are going to remain simply an employee. However, if you decide that you’re going to find something that is truly yours, then you will fulfill your vision, and you will be remembered by others.”~ Dr. Miles Munroe

When a vision is from God, sometimes you might have a hard time sleeping. I discovered this reality recently. God placed an awesome dream in my heart that I could not shake, or stop thinking about. Oh my goodness! I tossed and turned in the midnight hour, anxious only to awake and get more of the vision down on paper before it escaped my memory.

Nevertheless, I got up that morning feeling super charged and excited to start my day and make a difference in the world. As I started to write down the plans that God placed in my heart, I was overwhelmed with joy as I got more and more excited! This my friend, is what I call “falling in love with your divine purpose”.. Although I have full knowledge that the vision from God is for an appointed time, I have allowed myself to still dream and wonder about this treasure that He has placed on the inside of me. In due season, it will come to pass…And, so will yours..


Today’s Reflection:

God has something that He wants each and everyone of us to do. He has purpose on His mind for all of us. However, it is our failure to ask Him, and to be ready to execute that keeps us in the same place year after year. Today is March 28th 2014, what is your next purpose driven move? I encourage you to fall back in love with your divine purpose!

Ephesians 3:20-21 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen

You Have the Power to Shape Your World…

By: Tanisha Hopson

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. – Genesis 1: 1 – 3 (NIV)

If you take a second to look around in your own space; you will see that everything including your appearance, relationships with people, material things, and environment are all a product of what you have created. Yes, you are ultimately responsible for the current state of your life!

Just think about it…. If you walk into a room in your home and you don’t like what you see; you have the power to rearrange things, update some artwork, and/or clean up the space. Often times, something as simple as cleaning up your space can result in clarity of thought, a refreshed spirit and the strength to forge ahead with whatever you need to handle in your life. Likewise, if you would take the time to take inventory of what must go and what must stay in your life, you will find that you will be much more fulfilled and equipped to assist others as well.

When was the last time you took time to steal away from the drama of the world to connect with your Father in heaven? Connecting with God when stress is looming around you is often times just what you need to regain and maintain your sanity. When things get to this point where you feel that you are overwhelmed, something has to change. However, the question is: Are you willing to do the work? Change starts with you and is as easy as making a proclamation, working through the process and sticking with the plan.

In the bible, God constantly spoke things into existence. So, if we are His children, why can’t we use the same power to speak things into and out of our lives, as we do the much needed work on ourselves?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. What are you doing to make your world and your environment a better place? No matter what is going on in the world, you have the power to SHAPE YOUR WORLD and impact others around you in a grand way. So, the thought of the day is: “If you don’t like the space or situation that you are in, change it”.