What To Do When God is Saying “No” to Your Relationship…

What To Do When God is Saying “No” to Your Relationship…

The lifestyle you are living today is a direct correlation of the seeds you have planted in the past, and (many times) what is in your heart.  How so?? What we desire on the inside, slowly manifests into our lives by our choices in mates, career paths, how we care for and raise our children, etc, etc.

I speak from experience….. Fourteen years ago, I moved to a city & state that wasn’t the will of God for me. Yet, it was where “I” desired to be. And, let me tell you– this experience knocked the non-sense out of me…LOL..

When I arrived, the city was beautiful. The trees were swaying, and the birds chirped like angels every morning.  Yet, I quickly discovered the journey to be hard, unfruitful, and left me with no car, in debt and in a vulnerable state of existence.  The best thing that came out of the experience was that I learned the importance of listening for the leading of the Holy Spirit, how to pray, and how to connect with God in my own special way.

If you ever find yourself going in the wrong direction, you can always allow God’s Word and wisdom to lead you back to a fruitful existence.   As long as God blesses you with another day, you can repent of unfruitful choices, and live the abundant life intended for you.

I pray that this “Motivational Monday” message will be a blessing to your day! Feel free to pass it on to friends & family members who might benefit from it.

Peace & Blessings,
T.R. Hopson
Editor-in-Chief, Optimal Living Magazine
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What To Do When God is Saying “No” to Your Relationship…

Do You Ignore His Voice?
Or, Do You Heed the Warning Signs &
Stop in The Name of Love? 

Dr. Jason Ottley, author of PillowTalk
King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.
~ Proverbs 10:22

We have often confused God’s blessings with our own derelict decision making.  People are always more attractive when you are lonely.  And when you are the only one in your group of friends who is single, being with anyone seems better than being alone.

Women are historically known for making incredible, world-changing, life altering decisions.  But when it comes to men – women have not made the best of decisions.  There is not an overarching theme for the large population of women who have been riddled with bad decision making concerning men.  With that said, every woman it is different.

Some weren’t affectionately called daughter growing up from a father who was never around, while others are tired of being alone and so they take men on like projects and hope to change an unattractive, lack luster, and uncommitted brother into a man of great valor and worth.  Whatever the reason – one of the prevalent issues which continue to erode the fabric of love and relationships is that women are putting up with more than they should.

Many women from all walks of life, races, creeds and colors have fallen in love and committed to stay where men treat them like one of many options.  Why is it that everyone around you can see that your relationship and commitment to a man is literally draining you to the point where you don’t even look like the person people have grown to love?  Is it because you want to continue to ignore the red flags or because you’ve invested so much already in the relationship that it would be outlandish to allow another woman to swoop in on what you’ve created?

Well, let me help add color to your blank canvas…. The first step is taking full responsibility for your choices. Let me be the first to say this in love… It’s not him, it’s you.  It’s not about if he had become what you were strategically setting him up for.  It’s about why you are continuing to select pint size tools for a dream that requires a bulldozer.  We are all built with a capacity limit.  And you do not have the ability to enlarge someone’s capacity.  You can help someone see something in them that they don’t see themselves, but you can’t add measure or stature to a person.  Only God can do that.  The second mistake you’ve continued to make is asking God to bless your request and make the person be exactly what you need.

God created every human being with deposited gifts for the right season, the right reason, and ultimately the right person.  Many women attempt to take on God-like characteristics by attempting to change a man to fit their own personal needs. Women, you never have to change a man to fit you.  A man will either come pre-packaged on a God assignment to you or a man will realize that he needs to change to better himself first and then ultimately be what you desire.  It doesn’t work the other way around.  You can devote the next 20 years of your life to a man that you hope will change due to your love and support, but that will not guarantee change.  Men change when they find value in it.  And if you aren’t valuable enough to him, he won’t change.  You can’t convince a man to find value in you.  Either he does or he doesn’t, but your ability to convince him will continue to go unnoticed and unchronicled.

A great man will be a blessing to you.  Not a curse, not a burden, not a hardship – but a great blessing to you.  And you will know if he is a great blessing to you by what transpires between the two of you.  The bible records that a blessing will make one rich and add no sorrow.  Richness in this context is not just financial, but a blessing will bring increase to your spiritual walk, your emotional stability, your dreams and aspirations, and add great dividends to the woman you are.  It will not bring sorrow or regret!  You will not have to question if you should have made a different decision years prior or if the one you are with is really the one for you.  If the man you have been with for years is not adding any ‘richness to your life’ then he is not your blessing.  It’s really that simple. If the man you’re dating does not add ‘richness to your life’ you are simply borrowing time from the blessing you should be waiting on.  Stop wasting borrowed time because the last place you want to be is with someone you have no need being with while watching someone else walk hand-in-hand with what should be your blessing.

Today’s Challenge:
Spend a day with someone’s opinion you trust and ask them about your current love or love interest.  Can they see you with them long term?  What about them is good for you?  What about them is wrong for you?  What red flags are you ignoring?  Once you’ve calculated this information, write your feelings regarding this person in a journal. Express what this person has brought into your life, and what you bring to theirs.  If your list is stanzas longer than theirs, something is wrong.  Your blessing is supposed to add increase in your life.

Jason Ottley is the Founder of Empowering Relationships, a company tailored to meeting the personal needs of individuals while helping to enrich their relationships. Ottley’s first novel, PillowTalk, inspired him to take the relationship  discussion between men and women on the road, launching a unique nation-wide Relationship Tour. For more information about the tour and the book, Pillowtalk, visit: www.jasonottley.com.


Who’s Adding Value to Your Life??

By Tanisha Hopson
Relationships can take you to the greatest heights of your life or bring you down to nothing. The 6pm news is filled with examples of how this works every evening. As you examine the happenings of your environment today, ask yourself: who is adding value to my life?  If you intend to go where God has purposed for you to go, this question is a key factor to unlocking your greatest potential.

Proverbs 13:20 says,” He that walketh with wise men shall be wise; but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” I can name countless times in my life where my friends have helped to steer me away from trouble which could have changed the course of my life. I was truly blessed because they could see further than I could at the time. I thank God for these people because they continue to encourage me to do and be better person.

Your “walk” is your life’s journey. Who have you allowed to walk with you? Are you benefiting from the people closest to you? Who is feeding your soul and spirit? Are these people constantly withdrawing from you or depositing something positive into your life? If you are walking along your journey and find yourself slipping backwards from God’s best for you, you should stop what you are doing right now and examine who is on your team.

Take inventory of who is in your circle of “friends”. Is there a mutual exchange of benefits in these relationships?  Are these people draining you or enhancing your life with goodness, words of encouragement, good/godly advice, etc.?  Are these people assigned to help you become your greatest self?  Ask God to bring people into your life that will help you to continually produce good fruit in your life. If your life is not being enhanced by your circle of “friends”; re-evaluate the relationships and take appropriate action in love.


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Did you know that God has a standard, a will, and a specific purpose for your life? Yet, many people have no idea how to pursue, perceive and/or walk out God’s purpose. Fulfilling your life mission doesn’t “just happen.” No, no, no! It is to be discerned and pursued with all of your might!

Here are five ways to help you get started!

#1. Become a partner with God.  Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” God loves you, and He is working everything out for your good. Get on one accord with God through His Word and prayer. Get God on your calendar of important people to talk to on a daily basis. When you become a partner with God, everything and everyone around you will benefit.

#2. Change Only Happens through the Power of God. Before we can effectively do what God specifically purposed us to do in the earth, it requires us to change in how we think and how we see the world in our hearts. You can’t change yourself…True and long lasting change only happens over time and through the power of God. If you are going to do what God is calling you to do, it is going to require you to submit to Him, and humble your heart – so that you can hear Him with ease. Ask God for change in your inner being and stay committed to it.

#3. Be Strong in the Power of His Might. Ephesians 6: 10 – 11 says, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil God wants us to be strong in Him.” Be sure to strengthen your inner man, even when times are good. Get into the zone of renewing your mind, your spirit, and your heart.

#4. Make a decision to pursue your purpose and stick to it. The most successful people in life are not “the smartest people in the world”, but the “most determined”. Once God tells you what you were made to do – you must be determined, committed and willing to stick with it, no matter what happens. Stop letting others distract you. Get focused, get determined and pursue all that God has for your life!

# 5. Be Kind to Others.   It doesn’t take much to be kind to others. In fact, the way you treat people is a direct reflection of what’s going on inside of you. Wilson Mitzer says, “Be nice to people on your way up because you’ll meet them on your way down.” Galatians 5:22 – 23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.”

When you are living according to God’s standard for your life, the benefit is a sense of fulfillment, joy and a continuous flow of God’s peace in every area of your life.

Let’s keep this conversation going… Please share one change you can make today towards pursuing your destiny. How does this change reflect your core values?

Optimal Living Magazine now has certified Life Coaches available to assist you with living your best life and mapping our your purpose and destiny! Visit our website: http://www.optimal-livingmagazine.com/lifecoach, and write us at: upgrademylife@optimal-livingmagazine.com to schedule your FREE 30 minute Life Coach session. Some of the areas we focus on are:

  • Clarity, Focus & Direction to Achieve Your Goals
  • Ways to Enhance Your Career, Family & Personal Life
  • + Much More!


                                      By Hasani Pettiford

Hasani Pettiford

The tenth habit of successful people is valuing relationships. Someone once said that 90% of your success or failure is determined by who you choose as a spouse. The same principle can easily be applied to all personal and business relationships. People have the power of doing one of four things in your life: add, multiply, subtract and divide. Successful people only associate with people who add and multiply blessings of opportunity to their lives.

Successful people are very discriminative with whom they allow in their immediate surroundings. Unsuccessful people, on the other hand, hold no standard for their personal and business relationships. Many people reside in a place of mediocrity because of wrong associations. There are people who feel it is their responsibility to convince you of why something can’t be accomplished. Often, those closest to you feel that they have a special calling on their lives to try to talk you out of everything you try to do.

Simply put, your relationships will either enhance your vision or choke your dream. Proverbs 13:20 states, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Your ability to form meaningful personal and business relationships with positive people will be critical to your success and achievement. All it takes is one person to open up a door for you that will change your life forever.

Successful people have a knack for continuously networking and developing mutually beneficial relationships with people, not just contacts. Successful people network to gain access to resources. They realize the more people they know, the more access to resources they have. Developing relationships opens doors to resources, money and opportunity. These are often opportunities that set people up for success. An old proverb in business is: “If you want to be prosperous for a year, grow grain. If you want to be prosperous for ten years, grow trees. If you want to be prosperous for a lifetime, grow people.”

Make a list of all the people you know and identify key people in your life. Develop a plan to establish a higher quality relationship with them. Determine to meet as many people as you can that can assist you in your journey. Understand, the key to networking is being a go-giver as well as a go-getter. Give of yourself first. Offer any help or assistance that may be needed. Eventually, the tides will turn. The more you give of yourself with no expectation of return, the more that will come back to you from the most unexpected sources. Networking works when you understand that there is very little that you can do or have in life without working with other people.

As an award-winning author and speaker, Hasani Pettiford has an appeal that transcends barriers of age, culture and occupation. For over a decade Mr. Pettiford has been a recognized authority on human sexuality, interpersonal relationships and personal growth and development. Hasani has directly impacted the lives of many nationwide with his best-selling books and speaking engagements. Much of Pettiford’s work has been featured in major media outlets, including national publications, television and radio programs.

For more information, visit: http://www.hasani.com.
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Successful People Walk in Wisdom!

By Tanisha Hopson

Every move you make, every step you take, whether big or small, is significant. As the Editor of a thriving magazine, I am often in a position to make important decisions quickly in a short period of time. Most of the decisions that I need to make are pretty obvious…However, when I recently felt like I didn’t know what to do in one instance (because of a funny feeling I was having); I began to inquire of the Lord concerning the matter. At first, I heard absolutely nothing at all from God. So, I decided to wait on Him before making my decision. Finally, by the next morning, the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart to simply “use wisdom”.

Proverbs 4: 10- 14 says, “Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.”

We must look at things circumspectly before making choices, because evil is not often displayed in plain sight. It is often hidden in the details that we are not privy to seeing immediately. This is the world we are living in. Yet God, in His infinite wisdom gives us opportunities to seek Him and walk in victory! He gave us the opportunity to accept Jesus Christ as the Lord of our lives, the Holy Spirit to teach us in all things, discernment to let us know when something isn’t quite right, and a brain.

After applying wisdom to my situation and getting the much needed peace in my heart; the choice that I made kept me from danger, helped me to maximize on my time, and worked out wonderfully for every person involved.

I encourage you today to walk circumspectly in all that you do and keep God’s Word and prayer at the epicenter of your world. And, always remember, successful people walk in wisdom!

Reflection Scripture:
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. ~ Ephesians 5: 15-21

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